Kale Power

The blender, moments before button pushing

You could live off this one, and your only problem would be what to do with all of your power. You'd have to adopt hobbies, pets, children and fixations, just to keep your chi flowing into other things, not welling up and turning you into a giant lizard and eating villages for lunch and cities for dinner. Eat this instead.

• Kale. Raw.
  
• Avocado
• Walnut (or another nut. A multitude of nuts)
• Garlic. Raw.
• Lemon
• Olive oil
  
• Salt, cayenne, whatever else strikes your fancy (cumin will never fail you)

There is a process, and when carried to completion, it involves some labor and a blender. First, wash the kale and your hands. Get out a bowl. Get out another bowl. Put the kale in one. Squeeze half the lemon onto it and a glarp of olive oil. Now rub each leaf until they are all nice and shiny. It's handy to have that second bowl there, because having the rubbed and the un-rubbed together creates a lot of traffic, and eventually it gets hard to dig for the un-rubbed. Be sure to pour whatever goodness is in the bottom of the first bowl into the second (now filled with shiny kale). Harsh ping pong balls glance off my soul when I think of you leaving behind that delightful lemon-oil mixture.

Interlude: why that was step 1. See, once you have done step one, the lemon goes to work on the kale, working into its veins and breaking it down, saving your chompers from the ordeal of the never-ending chew. So do that first, chat up the mammals in your vicinity, do a pull-up on (or some stand-up, leaning on) the door frame, then move onto step 2.

Toss some walnuts, an avocado, the raw garlic (2 or 3 cloves), whatever spices spice your fancy, another splash of oil and the other half of the lemon into the blender. Hit a button or two, and watch it whip itself into a peculiar green paste. Personally I don't care if it's chunky, at least on the walnut front. Do whatcha gotta do to get the green stuff in the blender on the green stuff in the bowl.

Toss. Eat. Conquer.

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